March Madness Is Vasectomy Season
This is one of those stories that seems like urban legend, but it’s true. This week, the first week of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, is a boon for urologists. The first time I heard anything about this was when our boss scheduled his procedure for the Thursday morning of the tournament’s first round. By lunch time, he was sitting on his couch, recovering. He later told me, “Sure, I wasn’t necessarily feeling great, BUT my wife wasn’t griping about me doing nothing but watching games and she was bringing me food and beer around the clock.”
By nature of the sensitive area affected, one must remain as immobile as possible for 2-4 days. If you’re a basketball nut, this is perfect for you. From Thursday thru Sunday of the tournament’s first week, games are wall to wall. You’re going to be sitting on the couch anyway, so…
Elective vasectomy surgeries see an increase of 50% this week. So, what sounds like a joke is legit. Seems like an extreme though, right? Couldn’t you just make a deal with “She Who Must Be Obeyed” to just have this weekend for yourself and your love of hoops? Surely there’s some sort of negotiation room here? Perhaps a Hallmark Christmas movie weekend for her in December?
Ranking All 68 of the 2022 NCAA Tournament Teams By Their Mascots
The NCAA Tournament is here, and it’s time to rank the most important part of the tournament: the mascots.
Sure, there’s plenty of basketball analysis to be had this week, as Baylor aims to repeat, while Gonzaga looks for its first championship. But we’re not here for that right now.
We need to take a look at the stuff that matters. Is a Blue Devil more fearsome than a Tiger? Is a Zip more powerful than a Hokie? Wait… what’s a Zip?
So let’s rank all 68 teams in the 2022 NCAA Tournament based on the all-important mascot factors. For the sake of this discussion, this is completely arbitrary. Sometimes it’ll be whether one might win in a fight. Other times it might be because we’re really tired of cat-based teams (we see you Wildcats, Tigers, Cougars, Catamounts, etc.).
And now, on to the important rankings: