A Tragic Family Passing Makes Me Appreciate ‘A Christmas Story’ More
I haven’t really spoken or written about this much. Contrary to popular opinion, radio personalities are more private people than we let on. Either that, or it’s just that what is truly our private, personal lives, we guard sacredly. Anyway, in the late summer, my brother-in-law, Peyton Smith took his life. Wow. There it is. I finally was able to write that sentence. A part of me will always be racked with guilt over not recognizing his pain and not being able to do or say anything that would have made a difference. That’s normal, I guess.
Not long after his passing, my wife and I took a long-planned trip to Aruba. A particular moment and view made me think of Peyton. I’ll save you the trouble of struggling to read the caption. Normally struggling for words is not an issue with me (those that know me well can testify to this <g>), but I admit I’ve been at a loss. “Peyton was an integral part of my life for more than thirty years.” That’s as far as I got until this morning. Then, this view spoke to me. My brother-in-law was a master traveler, tour guide, international foodie, prospector of craft cocktail bars and the greatest host of all time, wherever he was. Nothing gave him greater pleasure than to share the fabulous little things that make life amazing. Settings like this one would have had him on fire to share and experience with family and friends. Vaya con Dios, my brother. Every time I have an adventure or experience that makes me say, “Isn’t this great?!” I will think of you. And maybe it’s you putting the words in my head to begin with. Like now.
My self-perceived failure has been hard to live with. As such, I’ve tried not to think about Peyton. No one likes to be reminded of his shortcomings (real or imagined). However, life has other ideas. Little things pop up and memories can’t be contained. For example, he LOVED “The Lost Kitchen.” Google it. Chef Erin French’s Maine restaurant is the hardest dinner reservation in America. Peyton and my wife were obsessed with getting one. So, out of the clouds, who should be on “The Today Show” a couple of days ago? You guessed it, Erin French. It made me smile thinking how he probably would have called to ask if we’d just seen the segment.
Everyone has a favorite Christmas movie. For some it’s “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” For others, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” In our house, it’s “Four Christmases” (although I MUST watch a version of “A Christmas Carol” on Christmas Eve). Peyton Smith couldn’t get enough of “A Christmas Story.” Some years, certain networks will run it non-stop for 24 hours. It was not uncommon for Peyton to just turn to that channel and leave it on. Honest disclosure time. I (nor my wife) have ever been a big fan. For us, it’s just okay. I would have never said that around Peyton. He was a very successful attorney (and therefore stunningly persuasive) and within minutes would have had me swearing I’d been wrong in my assessment. Again, no one likes to be reminded of his shortcomings (real or imagined).
Here comes that life reminder thing again. Today I read that this year marks the 40th anniversary of the release of “A Christmas Story.” This holiday season will be hard for all who loved Peyton. No doubt the ubiquitous nature of his favorite Christmas movie will be a not-so-welcome reminder for some. However, that’s not how I’m going to look at it. There was a reason I saw this anniversary fact today. Maybe I need to watch it again. Maybe I’m looking for some way to honor Peyton’s memory this year somehow.
Or maybe someone somewhere is trying to tell me to let go of what I ridiculously feel I should have done, and instead is telling me what I can do. Celebrate my brother-in-law’s life with a viewing of his favorite holiday movie. Maybe at the end I’ll be persuaded to swear I’ve been wrong all these years in my assessment of “A Christmas Story.” Should that occur, I have no doubt where that notion came from.
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