When Your Adult Children Move Back Home
It’s our biggest thrill as parents. I’m talking about raising our children to adulthood, helping them navigate the waters of school and launching their chosen career. But sometimes there’s that transitional period between school and career when your adult children move back home. How do we as parents wade through those waters? I read an article, and it seemed to mirror many of the rules I’m trying to live by.
You may think, ‘What’s the big deal? They lived with us from birth all the way through high school. How different can it be when your adult children move back home?’ Well, I will tell you it is different. I speak as the parent of an only child. And, he is a great kid. We not only love him, we like him too. He’s fun, engaging and nice to be around. That being said, he’s 23 and has been on his own for the past 4 plus years. So, we haven’t lived day in day out in the same house in quite some time.
Allow For Alone Time And Space When Your Adult Children Move Back Home
He just graduated a couple of months ago, and he will begin work soon. But, for now he is back in his old room. And, for the most part he hangs out there unless he’s working on the job hunt or seeing friends. He pops in to enjoy some family time with us grabbing dinner or watching a movie. But, he likes his solitude as well. He’s always been that way. Being an only child, he tends to thrive on group time in spurts, and then he needs to be alone to recharge the battery. I’m very similar.
So, now that he’s back in the house I try to respect that. Back when he was in middle school or even high school, I was in his business a bit more. I may have even been accused of hovering or as I like to call it ‘caring’ a bit too much. But, now that he’s technically an adult I have to respect some boundaries. And, even though he’s in my house, I give him his space.
Establishing Rules When Your Adult Children Move Back Home
Now, that’s not to say we don’t still have rules. There may be things he was accustomed to doing in his own house in college that we don’t allow here. But, that’s the old refrain ‘my house my rules.’ And, he’s been agreeable to those. So, luckily, we haven’t had any issues.
We still like to know when he goes out if he plans to return that night or stay over at a buddy’s. He’s still our ‘child’ and it’s a matter of respect for him to spare us worrying about him all night. So, as long as he’s not taking advantage of our leniency, we give him the space a typical 23 year old requires.
Chill With All The Questions
I have to admit I have had to resist the temptation at times to ask too many questions that I don’t really need the answers to. And, I try not to reorder his room to my liking. He’s not 5 anymore. And, I know he’ll be out soon enough. No matter how old they are, or how much the little things they do might get under your skin, you still miss them big time when they leave.
Make Sure They Know They Always Have A Home
So, when your adult children move back home, savor the times you do get to hang out with your ‘kid.’ He’s grown up to be pretty cool. And, with the right mix of respect, boundaries and space, we hopefully have a recipe for success of sharing the same address for a while. And, I make sure he knows no matter how old he is he’ll always have a place to come home to.
