Prioritizing Yourself And Learning How To Say No

I once heard Oprah say, "No is a complete sentence." Mind blown. I had never thought of it that way before. It seems so simple. But I, like so many others, needed help learning how to say no. And, you don't always owe someone a lengthy explanation as to why. No is a complete sentence.

I was having a conversation with a co-worker the other day about how it seems the older we get the easier it is to say no. And, I think it's fairly easy to understand why the ease comes with age. In our youth, we were trying to climb all the ladders and make our mark. We feared saying no to career opportunities or work asks because it might not be received well. And, someone more eager and willing was standing right behind us ready to swoop in and say yes.

However, as we mature in life and careers, we feel a little more secure and come to realize time is precious. We must prioritize what really matters. I, for one, no longer feel the need to be everything to everyone. And, if I know that by committing to something I really don't need to do I'll be missing out on time with family or just peaceful, much needed solitude I make the choice to take a pass. And, I no longer feel guilty about it. Not beating yourself up over it is one of the first steps in learning how to say no.

Now, that's not to say you become the apathetic employ who drops out on the team and is unwilling to do your part. There's a difference in saying yes to everything and being selective in handing over your time. Employers can and will take advantage of your good nature if they start to realize you are the 'always say yes' worker. So, just recognize that and strike a healthy balance of your 'no to yes' ratio.

And, by the way, this applies to personal relationships, too. A lot of us, especially when we're younger, have FOMO or fear of missing out. If we're invited to a gathering or friends night out, we feel the need to say yes even if we're not really feeling it because we fear we might miss out and will be clueless later on when it comes to some of the jokes or references that throw back to the event we missed. And, if we say no to invitations too often will they stop asking? Furthermore, saying no often comes with feelings of guilt or worries we're letting someone down.

I found a wonderful article that addressed so many of the woes surrounding the art of learning how to say no. It addressed a number of the topics I mentioned above including social pressure, fear of conflict and guilt. And, it also pointed out sometimes learning to say no means we have to find that self esteem. Some of us incorrectly believe our value hinges on pleasing others and gaining their approval by always saying yes.

But, to the contrary, saying no isn't about disappointing someone else. It's about taking care of yourself and learning how empowering the word no can be. It goes a long way to improving your mental health. Plus, it can demonstrate to others that you value yourself.

One of my favorite parts of the article was pointing out how we can learn when it's time to say no. I have really become better at this as of late. When I'm contemplating saying yes, I really step back and take a moment. Don't feel the need to give an immediate answer. Picture yourself doing whatever it is you're thinking of agreeing to. Then, really imagine how it will make you feel. If you start realizing it fills you with dread and regret, it's a no.

So, you're well on your way to learning to say no. It won't always be easy. And, at first, those who are used to getting a yes from you might push back or try to make you feel guilty. But, in time, you will find your voice and learning how to say no will become easier. And, you'll be amazed at how free you feel!

It's something we all could probably work on, I know I need to. Work-life balance. I'll stand by the belief that employers can get more productivity out of workers in a smaller amount of time. Burned-out employees who lack motivation and aren't taking care of their physical and mental health are not helping companies grow and thrive. On the contrary, employees who have healthy lives outside of the office show up energized and ready to take on the day. It can be hard, in the work-centered environment that we live in, to find the appropriate work-life balance. Especially if you are in a career where the more you work the more money you earn. So where are the best places to work if you want time to have your own life outside of work? After all, they say work to live don't live to work. Well, our friends at CoworkingCafe ranked some of the largest U.S. cities by their capacity to foster a healthy work/life balance. These rankings are based on economic, cultural, and infrastructural factors, as well as their psychological influence. And two North Carolina cities ranked among the best, for a more positive work-life balance.

It's not Charlotte, so if you're reading this is the Queen City stressed out (as I am) don't throw something across the room. I genuinely think it being dark when I wake up, and by the time I get home from work is making my days feel overwhelming only to work. Luckily the days are getting longer and daylight savings time will be here soon. To find the top cities in the country that offered the best foundations for a healthy work/life balance CoworkingCafe looked at 100 cities with at least 200,000 residents. They assigned each location scores based on mental health metrics, such as the amount of green space and recreational amenities; air quality; and, of course, work hours. Cities were also scored on income, affordability, remote working prevalence, commute times, and how many residents had health insurance. Then they combined and weighted these scores to create an overall work/life balance index. This index focuses heavily on mental health, as it should. Keep reading to see which two North Carolina cities offer the best work-life balance. Read the full CoworkingCafe study here.

Mental Health Score: 94

Affordability Score: 18

Remote Work Score: 79

Commute Score: 56

Overall Score: 64.4

Mental Health Score: 82

Affordability Score: 37

Remote Work Score: 64

Commute Score: 81

Overall Score: 64.8

Mental Health Score: 62

Affordability Score: 64

Remote Work Score: 77

Commute Score: 59

Overall Score: 65.3

Mental Health Score: 78

Affordability Score: 69

Remote Work Score: 47

Commute Score: 75

Overall Score: 68.8

Mental Health Score: 61

Affordability Score: 99

Remote Work Score: 44

Commute Score: 62

Overall Score: 69.1

Mental Health Score: 91

Affordability Score: 61

Remote Work Score: 33

Commute Score: 78

Overall Score: 69.1

Mental Health Score: 59

Affordability Score: 91

Remote Work Score: 63

Commute Score: 57

Overall Score: 69.2

Mental Health Score: 87

Affordability Score: 41

Remote Work Score: 91

Commute Score: 41

Overall Score: 69.4

Mental Health Score: 37

Affordability Score: 95

Remote Work Score: 100

Commute Score: 82

Overall Score: 71.5

Mental Health Score: 84

Affordability Score: 83

Remote Work Score: 31

Commute Score: 86

Overall Score: 73.3

Mental Health Score: 83

Affordability Score: 100

Remote Work Score: 36

Commute Score: 35

Overall Score: 73.9

Mental Health Score: 93

Affordability Score: 53

Remote Work Score: 93

Commute Score: 45

Overall Score: 76.2

Mental Health Score: 77

Affordability Score: 94

Remote Work Score: 45

Commute Score: 93

Overall Score: 77.3

Mental Health Score: 81

Affordability Score: 87

Remote Work Score: 61

Commute Score: 76

Overall Score: 78.3

Mental Health Score: 99

Affordability Score: 62

Remote Work Score: 76

Commute Score:58

Overall Score: 79.2

Mental Health Score: 92

Affordability Score: 89

Remote Work Score: 32

Commute Score: 94

Overall Score: 79.3

Mental Health Score: 69

Affordability Score: 97

Remote Work Score: 88

Commute Score: 54

Overall Score: 79.7

Mental Health Score: 98

Affordability Score: 92

Remote Work Score: 20

Commute Score: 97

Overall Score: 80.5

Mental Health Score: 100

Affordability Score: 70

Remote Work Score: 69

Commute Score: 91

Overall Score: 83.9

Mental Health Score: 90

Affordability Score: 84

Remote Work Score: 85

Commute Score: 67

Overall Score: 84.9