Prioritizing Yourself And Learning How To Say No
I once heard Oprah say, “No is a complete sentence.” Mind blown. I had never thought of it that way before. It seems so simple. But I, like so many others, needed help learning how to say no. And, you don’t always owe someone a lengthy explanation as to why. No is a complete sentence.
Learning How To Say No Gets Easier With Age
I was having a conversation with a co-worker the other day about how it seems the older we get the easier it is to say no. And, I think it’s fairly easy to understand why the ease comes with age. In our youth, we were trying to climb all the ladders and make our mark. We feared saying no to career opportunities or work asks because it might not be received well. And, someone more eager and willing was standing right behind us ready to swoop in and say yes.
However, as we mature in life and careers, we feel a little more secure and come to realize time is precious. We must prioritize what really matters. I, for one, no longer feel the need to be everything to everyone. And, if I know that by committing to something I really don’t need to do I’ll be missing out on time with family or just peaceful, much needed solitude I make the choice to take a pass. And, I no longer feel guilty about it. Not beating yourself up over it is one of the first steps in learning how to say no.
Don’t Become Uncooperative
Now, that’s not to say you become the apathetic employ who drops out on the team and is unwilling to do your part. There’s a difference in saying yes to everything and being selective in handing over your time. Employers can and will take advantage of your good nature if they start to realize you are the ‘always say yes’ worker. So, just recognize that and strike a healthy balance of your ‘no to yes’ ratio.
Learning How To Say No In Personal Relationships
And, by the way, this applies to personal relationships, too. A lot of us, especially when we’re younger, have FOMO or fear of missing out. If we’re invited to a gathering or friends night out, we feel the need to say yes even if we’re not really feeling it because we fear we might miss out and will be clueless later on when it comes to some of the jokes or references that throw back to the event we missed. And, if we say no to invitations too often will they stop asking? Furthermore, saying no often comes with feelings of guilt or worries we’re letting someone down.
I found a wonderful article that addressed so many of the woes surrounding the art of learning how to say no. It addressed a number of the topics I mentioned above including social pressure, fear of conflict and guilt. And, it also pointed out sometimes learning to say no means we have to find that self esteem. Some of us incorrectly believe our value hinges on pleasing others and gaining their approval by always saying yes.
But, to the contrary, saying no isn’t about disappointing someone else. It’s about taking care of yourself and learning how empowering the word no can be. It goes a long way to improving your mental health. Plus, it can demonstrate to others that you value yourself.
Recognizing When It’s Time To Say No
One of my favorite parts of the article was pointing out how we can learn when it’s time to say no. I have really become better at this as of late. When I’m contemplating saying yes, I really step back and take a moment. Don’t feel the need to give an immediate answer. Picture yourself doing whatever it is you’re thinking of agreeing to. Then, really imagine how it will make you feel. If you start realizing it fills you with dread and regret, it’s a no.
So, you’re well on your way to learning to say no. It won’t always be easy. And, at first, those who are used to getting a yes from you might push back or try to make you feel guilty. But, in time, you will find your voice and learning how to say no will become easier. And, you’ll be amazed at how free you feel!
North Carolina City Leads The Nation In Positive Work-Life Balance
20. Pittsburgh, PA
Mental Health Score: 94
Affordability Score: 18
Remote Work Score: 79
Commute Score: 56
Overall Score: 64.4
19. Richmond, VA
Mental Health Score: 82
Affordability Score: 37
Remote Work Score: 64
Commute Score: 81
Overall Score: 64.8
18. St,. Petersburg, FL
St. Petersburg, Florida, USA downtown city skyline at twilight on the bay.
Mental Health Score: 62
Affordability Score: 64
Remote Work Score: 77
Commute Score: 59
Overall Score: 65.3
17. Alburquerque, NM
Hot air balloons drifting over the Rio Grande river in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Mental Health Score: 78
Affordability Score: 69
Remote Work Score: 47
Commute Score: 75
Overall Score: 68.8
16. Virginia Beach, VA
Virginia Beach Boardwalk
Mental Health Score: 61
Affordability Score: 99
Remote Work Score: 44
Commute Score: 62
Overall Score: 69.1
15. Greensboro, NC
Greensboro, North Carolina skyline from the west. (Photo: Raynor Garey/Getty Images)
Mental Health Score: 91
Affordability Score: 61
Remote Work Score: 33
Commute Score: 78
Overall Score: 69.1
14. Henderson, NV
Mental Health Score: 59
Affordability Score: 91
Remote Work Score: 63
Commute Score: 57
Overall Score: 69.2
13. Portland, OR
Portland, Oregon, USA downtown skyline with Mt. Hood at dawn.
Mental Health Score: 87
Affordability Score: 41
Remote Work Score: 91
Commute Score: 41
Overall Score: 69.4
12. Scottsdale, AZ
View of Scottsdale, Arizona’s waterfront in downtown Scottsdale
Mental Health Score: 37
Affordability Score: 95
Remote Work Score: 100
Commute Score: 82
Overall Score: 71.5
11. Lexington, KY
Aerial view of Jacobson Park Lake and Richmond Road in Lexington, Kentucky
Mental Health Score: 84
Affordability Score: 83
Remote Work Score: 31
Commute Score: 86
Overall Score: 73.3
10. Chesapeake, VA
A roadside sign welcomes travelers along a rural road to the state of Virginia
Mental Health Score: 83
Affordability Score: 100
Remote Work Score: 36
Commute Score: 35
Overall Score: 73.9
9. Irvine, CA
Mental Health Score: 93
Affordability Score: 53
Remote Work Score: 93
Commute Score: 45
Overall Score: 76.2
8. Omaha, NE
Omaha downtown
Mental Health Score: 77
Affordability Score: 94
Remote Work Score: 45
Commute Score: 93
Overall Score: 77.3
7. Columbus, OH
State of Ohio flags waving in front of the Statehouse in Columbus, OG.
Mental Health Score: 81
Affordability Score: 87
Remote Work Score: 61
Commute Score: 76
Overall Score: 78.3
6. St. Paul, MN
St. Paul, Minnesota night skyline along the Mississippi River
Mental Health Score: 99
Affordability Score: 62
Remote Work Score: 76
Commute Score:58
Overall Score: 79.2
5. Des Moines, IA
Iowa state of United States flag on flagpole textile cloth fabric waving on the top sunrise mist fog
Mental Health Score: 92
Affordability Score: 89
Remote Work Score: 32
Commute Score: 94
Overall Score: 79.3
4. Raleigh, NC
Mental Health Score: 69
Affordability Score: 97
Remote Work Score: 88
Commute Score: 54
Overall Score: 79.7
3. Lincoln, NE
Mental Health Score: 98
Affordability Score: 92
Remote Work Score: 20
Commute Score: 97
Overall Score: 80.5
2. Madison, WI
Madison, Wisconsin, USA downtown skyline on Lake Monona in the daytime.
Mental Health Score: 100
Affordability Score: 70
Remote Work Score: 69
Commute Score: 91
Overall Score: 83.9
1. Minneapolis, MN
Image of Minneapolis downtown skyline at sunset.
Mental Health Score: 90
Affordability Score: 84
Remote Work Score: 85
Commute Score: 67
Overall Score: 84.9
